Sunday, March 23, 2008

I'm doing a new social experiment. It's called BenchMarks. It's pretty cool. Check it out.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Lyndon B. Johnson needs to be the new Chuck Norris.

Lyndon B. Johnson is my hero. A lot.

Kennedy got him all caught up in a perfect storm for Vietnam while he was fucking Marilyn Monroe and being loved by the whole country for being hot. Then when he got shot for being an idiot without enough security, Lyndon Johnson got thrust into the role of President.

That's not to say that Lyndon didn't rule the job. All he wanted was to do his "Great Society" program, take care of some poor people, take care of some civil rights madness, and be the shit all around. Instead, Kennedy had a metric ton of "ambassadors" (i.e. soldiers) in Vietnam pissing everyone off. Johnson became the scapegoat when he never wanted any of it at all. Maybe this is a little short sighted analysis of the situation, but accurate all the same.

"The last thing I wanted to do was to be a wartime President." --Lyndon B. Johnson

Regardless, he did the best with what he could and manged to fulfill a prophecy he predicted back in the day...

"If the American people don't love me, their descendants will." --Lyndon B. Johnson

Because even if he hadn't been the underdog who made to to war-time president without being fed with a silver spoon, he was fucking hilarious.

He was getting fitted for a pair of pants on a white house phone. He insisted that all of his phone calls be recorded and transcribed. Secretaries worked night and day to have this done so he could keep up with everything he was doing. He had phones under the dining room table, in the bathroom, even next to his hammock. It was pretty funny. Knowing all of this, he still didn't exactly censor himself.

"LBJ: Now the pockets, when you sit down, everything falls out, your money, your knife, everything, so I need at least another inch in the pockets. And another thing - the crotch, down where your nuts hang - is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it's just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I've had anywhere in the United States,

JH: Fine

LBJ: But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.

JH: Right "

He says what he means, and he means what he says. And and he never has to say excuse me after he belches.

Lyndon Johnson = Love.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Epilepsy, Relay, Google Earth and a metric ton of links.

So... duh. I have epilepsy. Super lame, I don't recommend contracting it. To be completely honest, it kind of blows. I went to see Dr. McDoucheBag, and I'm changing for Lamictal to Topamax. I heard that Topamax makes you dumber. Not an exciting prospect, but whatevs. I can deal with it.

Michelle and I went to O'Malleys last night. I ran into my boss from the movie theater I worked at when I was 16. It was kind of amazing. He paid for our tab, and it was totally a blast for the past. Men shouldn't grow ridiculous beards though. It kind of looks dumb. Mr. Relay was the shit back in the day (and his name is Mr. Relay!), so it was fun to show him what a twit I'm not anymore. w00t for amazing grammar.

Speaking of super fun times, I recommend strongly that you check out the new Google Earth.

Maybe it's the Astronomy nerd in me, but I'm in love with it. LikeWhoa.

It's not really a secret that I love Macs. My MacBook is an extension of myself, and I don't know what I'd do without it. I think I'm going to get a MacBook Pro this fall, but still. Apple has been really good to me. I love my iPhone, I love how much money I made in Apple stock, and I love that a homeless woman can write a book in the Apple store, and not only are the employees cool with it, they let her do a reading of the book in the store.

Since the Air has come out, a lot of people have asked me if I would consider getting one. I wouldn't. I need a rocket to handle all the crap that I do, I like having a CD drive on my computer, and seriously... I've run out of room at least 4 times in the past year and a half with 120 gigs on my hardrive. Also, apparently a Macbook Air is easy to lose/toss out with the newspapers. Which I would do. A lot. It's pretty and cool, but not exactly innovative or my cup of tea. Whatever. Apple is still amazing, and Steve Jobs is still my hero. Even if he is a cocky bastard.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Would you rather have a rich bachelor save you from your life of prostitution or have a baron save you from your boring life of chastity in a convent?

I'm too easily swayed by the media/movies. I had a movie night with some girlfriends way back and our big thing after was that we had to stop giving it away for free if we wanted a Richard Gere to save us from prostitution.

I guess it's just a matter of preference. 7 kids is a little intimidating, but I've always had a stupid girl crush on Captain Von Trapp. Plus, Reverend Mother is the shit. A condo in NYC sound sweet, but as long as I got to sing in the abbey and be late for everything, I think I'd be chill in Austria.

A list - in no particular order:

  • The Brothers Karamazov is a fantastic book. Read it. Names are kind of a bitch, but still amazing.
  • Louis Armstrong + Brothers Karamazov + Candles + Red Wine = Heaven. Seriously.
  • Edith Piaf is the original emo kid.
  • I'm seeing Say Anything with friends on April 2nd is going to blow my mind. I'm sure of it.
  • We need to hire some attractive, straight men. As Alva so eloquently put it, everyone needs to have at least the ability to act out a Jim/Pam fantasy. Am I right?

Adieu! Adieu! To you and you and you!