Friday, March 14, 2008

Lyndon B. Johnson needs to be the new Chuck Norris.

Lyndon B. Johnson is my hero. A lot.

Kennedy got him all caught up in a perfect storm for Vietnam while he was fucking Marilyn Monroe and being loved by the whole country for being hot. Then when he got shot for being an idiot without enough security, Lyndon Johnson got thrust into the role of President.

That's not to say that Lyndon didn't rule the job. All he wanted was to do his "Great Society" program, take care of some poor people, take care of some civil rights madness, and be the shit all around. Instead, Kennedy had a metric ton of "ambassadors" (i.e. soldiers) in Vietnam pissing everyone off. Johnson became the scapegoat when he never wanted any of it at all. Maybe this is a little short sighted analysis of the situation, but accurate all the same.

"The last thing I wanted to do was to be a wartime President." --Lyndon B. Johnson

Regardless, he did the best with what he could and manged to fulfill a prophecy he predicted back in the day...

"If the American people don't love me, their descendants will." --Lyndon B. Johnson

Because even if he hadn't been the underdog who made to to war-time president without being fed with a silver spoon, he was fucking hilarious.

He was getting fitted for a pair of pants on a white house phone. He insisted that all of his phone calls be recorded and transcribed. Secretaries worked night and day to have this done so he could keep up with everything he was doing. He had phones under the dining room table, in the bathroom, even next to his hammock. It was pretty funny. Knowing all of this, he still didn't exactly censor himself.

"LBJ: Now the pockets, when you sit down, everything falls out, your money, your knife, everything, so I need at least another inch in the pockets. And another thing - the crotch, down where your nuts hang - is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it's just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I've had anywhere in the United States,

JH: Fine

LBJ: But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.

JH: Right "

He says what he means, and he means what he says. And and he never has to say excuse me after he belches.

Lyndon Johnson = Love.

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